Good people can never be happy

I am not sure if other people can, but a good person can never be happy.

You walk this Earth. You have friends, family, hobbies, work, a spouse, a pet, a community. You think about all of them. You think about everything, not all the time, but often enough. You wonder where will they be a few years from now, what will they be doing, what will you be doing. Is that a good future, can you make it better? This worrying never ends.

You want to help. You truly want to help. You know how and you feel so certain about it. So damn certain. Your way is the best way they have ever heard of. Definitely. Even if they haven’t heard it yet. You will probably never tell them, because you want them to connect the dots themselves. You are a genius – help them without them knowing and someday they will realize.

Oh, but what a monstrous task you have set for yourself. A life of working in the backstage, making sure the spotlights are bright, the microphones are connected, the cameras are rolling. Have you ever stopped to consider if you can live like this? Giving everyone a chance to talk and an ear to listen to them, but requesting nothing in return, not even a chance to speak too?

And you hope. You hope and you hope and you keep on hoping. Hoping that, well, maybe tomorrow, they will start recognizing what you have done for them, what you have been doing.

And let’s say they do. What next? What do you want? Have you been doing it for a tear and a hug? A jaw drop? An amazed face and a sincere clapping? A ‘thank you’? Most probably none of that will ever come, because such words for such actions can only be spoken by few -other- good people. But, then again, you have to turn them down yet another time. ‘It was nothing’ you will say. You have to. Show even a little bit of pride and you will soon start sweating, fearing of losing your goodness.

Do you see?

Do you see the trap you have set for yourself? Never being able to accept a ‘bravo’. Always wanting to do more for others. Never actually doing something for yourself and feeling good about it. What a miserable creature you will soon become.

And inevitably, one day you will erupt. No one will seem clever, kind, or deserving of your loving actions. You will regret living that life, and you will weep for the lessons that have gone straight to the trashcan.

Where do you go from here? Will you learn to accept that you can not change the world the way you thought you could? Will you disembark on another quest? I hope you do.

You are a good person and you deserve to be happy. You are happy because you are a good person.