Seasonal Affective Disorder (In SummerTime)

You get used to things being one way. You find comfort in the knowledge of the undeniable existence of fundamental rules. Rules that on the one hand bind you, but on the other they allow you to build magnificent structures. You enjoy order, not in everything and not all the time, but it feels nice knowing where you stand, what surrounds you and what everything’s right place is.

I used to enjoy the summer.

I will always hold my memories of family vacations for myself, because they, as a sum of many years, consist a gift of limitless value. The Greek summer. The Greek islands. The sun is always burning hot, the white houses glisten, everywhere you look you see golden fields of wild flowers with maybe a donkey here and there, and far – but close enough, always close enough – the sea. The cooling, playful, refreshing and intriguing sea. The sea. Be it calm “as olive oil”, or be it wild with white waves, it has always been inviting.

Greek taverns. Greek food. Fish, octopi and squids. Salads. So many salads. Tomatoes, cucumbers, olives and greens. Fruits. Even more fruits. Melons and watermelons. Apples and pears. Strawberries and cherries.

And then the evening strolls inside those scenic one-meter-wide paths between the village’s houses. The walk to the castle on top of the hill. The little shops along the way. Jewelry and clothes, hidden bars and mysterious kiosks, traditional crafts and the odd software/logistics/accounting company. Who owns these shops? Do they live here during winter too? Do they make enough money? Can I persuade them to hire me forever?

The sundown. The colors. My god the colors. Blue and gold. Orange and red. Pink and purple. Blue again, but this time it’s dark and deep and turns to black before you notice it. But now stop looking at the horizon and look straight up. The stars! Finally, the stars! How many? Countless, they say. But I could count them if I wanted to, if I had time.

Time. We seemed to have so much, we didn’t need to keep track of it. Life was good and life was easy, why even think of time running out?

Even if this vacation ends, I know I will soon be leaving home again for summer camp, or for Scouts’ camp, and be there among friends, or make new friends. How easy it used to be – making friends. Play all day, read books and comic books, listen to music, dance, participate in activities. But also learn. Learn from others, learn from own mistakes, learn from adults and keep on learning. Don’t bother thinking why it’s important or why do you feel like you have to learn, just enjoy it and take it all in.

And then, later on, vacations again. With friends this time. Just us. Weird teenagers us. No one to report to. Nothing to care about. Learning by doing. Going out to clubs, to beach bars, to taverns and cafes. Returning back to the hotel or the camping spot in the morning and waking up at lunch time.

And after that maybe some home alone time. Read a book or two, play videogames, go for a short walk, meet with other friends now and then…

 

And then summers began to feel heavier. And shorter, and emptier. The worst thing is, they were too. Studying and exams, then more studying and more exams. Scouts’ camp, vacations with friends, family vacations and even “home alone time” all felt very different. They were.

Everything had a start date and an end date. Everything was planned and organized and required you to be organized too. You didn’t get enough time to truly enjoy anything for too long before getting thrown onto the next thing. And then before you know it summer is over.

 

And now. What is summer going to be like now? Commuting to and from work every day. Sitting in an artificially cooled environment for more than eight hours. Then getting blasted with heat waves, with unexpected power failures, and inevitably with Seasonal Affective Disorder. In the summertime!

 

…

 

You have to fight back! Fight back I say! Appreciate that your colleagues are good people and they make it all a lot easier. Go to the beach on a weekday. Eat an ice cream. Go for a walk. Enjoy your weekends to the fullest! Take that long ride out north or out south. Take a day off and don’t regret it. Invest your time. Claim your little patch of freedom, secure it and hold it as tightly as you can. You earn it now, and you also deserve it and need it. Learn to want it, again. Learn to enjoy it, again.